Break down the Patriarchy!
As women especially, we’ve been taught that we are “supposed” to put other people ahead of ourselves, care about other people’s feelings because it’s the polite thing to do. Yes, it’s wonderful to care about other people, and there's no denying this! What if I told you that you can care about others and still look after yourself too! Time to un-learn from our ancestor’s patterning and allow women to be empowered.
As part of every safety demonstration after you board an airplane you hear, “please put on your air mask before assisting others”.
Make Yourself a Priority
We glorify the “busy Mom” archetype that goes above and beyond to care for her family, but behind the scenes are we paying attention to the ramifications of this to our mental health, like stress and exhaustion? What does this teach our children? That you are not doing it “right” until you have nothing left to give, and that to “care” is to be depleted. Children learn by watching. If they see you making yourself a priority, they will make themselves a priority too.
Ask for Help
Ask for help when you need it. You are worthy of help. Asking for help is a sign of strength and self knowledge because you know your own limitations and that you deserve assistance – that’s the power of community.
Your Feelings are Your Responsibility
“Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys”
Your happiness is your responsibility, and yours alone. You have no control over other people’s feelings or what they think of you. On the flip side of this, the way you feel about a situation or person is also your responsibility. Yes, sometimes feelings get hurt. You have to dig deeper to see exactly why this caused you pain or distress. Sometimes the answer is that the other person is a bully or an asshole and then you can ask yourself “why are you in this situation?” Don’t expect other people to react and deal with situations in the same way that you do, don’t set yourself up for failure. Everyone is different; everyone has different traumas that have shaped the way they deal with the world.
Why you need self-love to trust your intuition.
Loving yourself will lead to trusting yourself. Knowing yourself and your triggers is SO important because then you will have a great understanding what you are feeling, experiencing and where these emotions are coming from. The more you know about yourself the easier it is to separate the voice of your ego (could have, should have, would haves) from the gentle voice of your intuition.
Self Love Tips
- Don’t compare your own journey to the journeys of others. You are special and unique beyond compare! We each have our own set of challenges coming into this world. What you are free of, someone else could be struggling with.
- Distance yourself from toxic people and energy vampires. Take a break. Be aware of from whom you take criticism! If someone is putting you down without anything constructive to say, their advice is shit. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, don’t hang with them!!! What people think about you is none of your business!
- Be kind to yourself in your thoughts and words. If you are punishing yourself in your head and ripping yourself a good one for something you did or didn’t do simply rise about the thought. Ask youself if this is really what you choose to think about yourself, and when the answer is no, choose to let the thought go. Practice positive self talk! If someone was talking about your best friend the way you talk to yourself, would you set them straight?
- Set the intention to allow yourself to receive. This can be gifts or compliments or opportunities. Know that you are worthy of all the blessings of this beautiful world. You know how good it feels to give someone a gift and have them LOVE it! Don’t deny others that good feeling of being able to give to you!
- Check in with yourself before responding. Is this going to add to my energy or deplete my energy? Do I want to? Does this feel good or not?
- Say YES to things that excite you and perhaps scare you a bit too. The Universe would not present an opportunity to you if you weren’t ready to explore it.
- It’s okay to say NO. Can you help me move for the 3rd time even though I was too busy to help you move last time? NO. The challenge with boundaries is that you have to enforce these boundaries because no one will do it for you. “Get comfortable with other people being uncomfortable with your boundaries”.
- Balance how much you have going on in your life . . . too much leads to stress and too little leads to boredom.
- Forgive yourself and others. It’s okay to make mistakes; it’s all a part of the learning process. Remind yourself that you don’t need to be perfect, you only need to be present!
- Don’t take yourself so damn seriously! Laughter is good medicine.
- Pay attention to your emotions. Take time to process your feelings. This can be with writing, a good conversation, a walk in nature, a bath, whatever helps you to think and feel clearly.
- Take time for rest and relaxation! If you need to put a Do Not Disturb sign on your door, DO IT. Schedule it in your calendar.
- Practice Gratitude. Thankfulness will raise your vibrations and help to counterbalance negative self-talk. There is so much to be grateful for!